Well, it's finally here - the last week of this incredible experience as a Fulbrighter in South Africa.
Friday morning was the official Early Childhood Department goodbye breakfast at The Blue Crane, a beautiful restaurant near our campus. There was lots of laughter, lovely gifts, and a card filled with kind messages. Then we had to head back to the office for a 2 hour department meeting! Believe it or not, even at the end of our department meeting, Marie, Judy and I talked about extending my "Image of the Child" research project into the UP programme, Nkidi and I tried to figure out how to make revisions to the mother tongue grant proposal without the promised template from the Department of Education, and Miemsie and I interviewed Ina for our research. The rest of the afternoon was full of cleaning up the office for me and going through things that needed to come back to the flat for sorting or returning to colleagues for materials that we had shared for our collaborative projects.
Next stop, supper at Elizabeth's house in Tembisa. To celebrate my consistent ability to get lost on almost every trip I take, Themba managed to forget exactly which street Elizabeth lived on, but we eventually made it without anything but a little wounded pride. Friends from St. Peters joined us (fortunately without getting lost) for a wonderful meal, fellowship, and goodbyes. We ate our rice, roast beef and gravy, creamed spinach, and beets. It was just fabulous!! For dessert Elizabeth bought cake and served homemade malva pudding. As Steven poured the vanilla custard on his pudding, Isaiah began to laugh, remembering their first meal in the US when we had a stop at a restaurant on the way from the airport to the Valley. We had a buffet breakfast and Rev. Zibi got some fruit salad. Consistent with his custom to add custard to his fruit salad, Zibi did the same thing at the buffet and returned to the table. He sat down at the table with us and began to eat, but was shocked at the taste. Turns out, he poured melted cheese over his fruit! This has remained a favorite funny story that seems to be retold every time we are together and have custard. Our time together ended in song and prayers for safe travels and love for the people at Trinity.
Saturday: The living room/dining room is my staging area with even the ironing board up as a place to sort through things. Last week I began packing and promptly filled my 2 suitcases, searched for a large plastic tub to serve as a trunk, and still, there was stuff still laying around. So I went through papers and notebooks, books and journals, all trying to cut back. I went through clothes that I could leave behind and give away and there was still the need for more storage. So on Saturday, I had a VERY long morning at Menlyn mall, trying to spend down a gift card at Cross Trainers, pick up some odds and ends from the Checkers Hyper, and purchase the fourth suitcase. Then it was home to pack more stuff, throw out more papers, pick out more things to give away, and figure out a plan for getting to the airport with all this luggage! I took down paintings I had bought while Ben was here, packed my warm FIFA blanket that Becky and I bought at a World Cup game, emptied all the cupboards and drawers, and have everything in the parlor now so basically, the home front is a mess rather than my cute little space.
Sunday became a turning point. Somehow, almost miraculously, I started shifting my focus from saying goodbye to South Africa to saying hello to family and friends in America. With my original plans for a trip to the Voortrekker Museum canceled, I had the luxury of reading Ina's book for that book review I need to write before I leave. Then it was lunch with Nkidi and her family (more great food!), and now I'm back at home. I can't stand the mess in the living room and can't wait to get the rest of my stuff put away so there's space on the table and the ironing board is back in the closet. I'm also restless, eager to finish up the tasks that feel like they're hanging over my head. I'm thinking about the details of packing cars and traveling to the airport, of weighing luggage and checking in for my flight, of last hugs and farewells. But most of all, I'm ready to come home to see everyone I've actually missed quite a lot.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
The Countdown
Well the countdown to USA has begun! My family has heard my moaning and groaning about packing up, the challenges of finding a way to ship home all the things I've managed to collect since arriving, and the tears that I seem to shed on a daily basis. And I really am torn about leaving here and coming home. Perhaps over the next several entries, you'll see why.
Yesterday, with 10 days to go, I celebrated my birthday. Now this is generally a pretty quiet event for me because I don't care for all the fuss and bother. My children are wonderful about sending birthday greetings, even when I'm out of the country for my birthday and that was the case this year as well. Ken always remembers my birthday and we do something special, like dinner out and a present. But for the most part, I don't like a big fuss and simply enjoy knowing I made through one more year.
Well, here birthdays are apparently a big deal. At the monthly department meetings, there is a place on the agenda where birthdays are announced. Then, there's the email that goes out at the beginning of each month to remind people of the upcoming birthdays and a request to submit money to the birthday fund. Then, on your special day, people come up to wish you a happy birthday, give you a hug, send you sms's (text messages) with birthday wishes, and your closest friends give you presents, take you out for lunch and supper, and generally amaze you with lots of attention. Who knew?
So yesterday, Simla, one of our secretaries saw me coming in early to get some work started. She immediately came over to say, "Happy birthday. I hope you have a wonderful day. Why are you here so early?" and offered a big hug. When I entered the office and got the computer going, there were messages from family and friends to greet me, even though the time difference is significant, and there was a knock on the door. Marie, the friend who took me to the Drakensburg Mountains for a holiday with her husband as our driver, came in with a bag of presents: a hand painted place mat, Ndebele beaded bookmark, and Christmas ornaments made here in South Africa. We are working on 2 teacher identity projects and putting together a new research study with one of her colleagues from the UK and she wanted wish me well and thank me for our friendship. I couldn't believe that with all she had given me, that she was thanking me when clearly it should be the other way around! We exchanged hugs and Marie left.
A few minutes later there was another knock on the door and I thought that Marie must have forgotten something. But no, it was Annalie, the fairy friend. Annalie has hand-drawn most of the maps I use to get from Point A to Point B. When I get lost, it's her husband who tries to figure out where I'm calling from and provides directions, calling every 5 minutes to make sure that I'm going "straight, straight" along the path rather than making a wrong turn along the way. We have been in the midst of revising all the ethical clearance (IRB) paperwork for the different projects we're working on so I figured she had more stuff for me to do. But no, it was birthday hug time, pink fairy wings, and apologies for leaving my present at home. Then we discussed the evening plans she had made with her family: Dinner at Menlyn Mall and then 10-pin bowling. She left to get back to our paperwork and I started getting ready for an interview for the study that I am doing with Miemsie.
Knock on the door (again!) - and you must understand that no one comes up to my office, but instead, calls or sms's with what they want. It was Miemsie in person with a hug and a gift, a beautiful necklace and earrings from a local specialty shop in silver, black, pink, and orange, because those are the colors I've worn frequently (my wardrobe selection is NOT extensive). I immediately added my jewelry since those were the very colors I was wearing and we headed off for that interview with Mariejie. (Miemsie, you should note, has served me frothy coffee with my 7 a.m. wake up call when I stayed with her at the cape for our study leave to write an article and then she offered her place to Rebecca and me when we came down for a long weekend. We're currently working on our third paper in the series that will not end!)
With the interview complete, Mariejie and I headed back upstairs to our offices that just happen to be across from each other. She pulled out her remote control for the heater/ac unit and turned on the heat in my office. I haven't had a remote and never really thought about too much about it, but we've had a miserable cold spell lately. This has been THE BEST gift! It's so warm in here that my cold-natured friends don't enjoy it too much but it makes all the difference when you're working late in the day.
With emails and ethical clearance revisions flying back and forth, it was time for lunch with Miemsie at the loveliest little restaurant, Isabella's. Everything is homemade and the buffet was incredible! There was a layered potato/cheese casserole, roasted vegetables, beets in chocolate sauce (something too wonderful for words), pasta with pesto, and the list just goes on. Of course after filling our plates full, devouring every single morsel, with lots of conversation going back and forth, Miemsie decided we each needed our own nougat for dessert and who was I to object?!
Back to the office with an VERY full stomach, it was time to face the frenzy of revisions to consent letters and ethical clearance issues until I was completely lost. At one point I ran into Ina who apologized for not bringing my gift and for being tied up with class all day so we settled for a hug (and 2 beautiful candles handmade in Swaziland were in my box today). Later in the afternoon, Nkidi gave me a birthday hug; she had been working all day in her office with projects. These two dear friends look out for me and keep me busy with research as well. I'm reviewing Ina's new book on children's perceptions of citizenship for a South African journal and we're doing an Art Around the World project together. Nkidi is involving me in her grant proposal for African Languages in the Foundation Phase in the hopes that there will be money for me to return as an external reviewer. She's convinced that she's going to make me into an early childhood languages and literacy person before we're finished.
By 5:00 I was exhausted from multitasking on ethical clearances, reviewing Ina's book, looking for accredited journals where we can submit our work and being well cared for. I stopped by Annalie's office to let her know that I was heading home. By 6:15 (about 30 minutes after arriving home) she called me to let me know that I needed to meet her outside my gate so that we could head to the mall for supper. We talked about our fairy book and the work that we need to do in the next week, met up with Nico, her husband, and ordered a bottle of Pinotage while we waited for their son Onic and his girlfriend Vanessa to join us. Before the wine made it to our table, we were moved to a larger booth and began a laughter-filled evening of storytelling (consistent with the article Annalie and I are finishing up now for publication) that led to an intensely humorous bowling tournament in which I did participate and managed to come in 4th place. I made it home about 11 p.m. to skype with Abbey and then crash into bed.
As you can see, the people with whom I live and work are pretty remarkable. They have looked after me personally and professionally for the past 6 months with invitations to join them in all kinds of events. Much of what I've experienced with them is the very same love and care that I get at home from family, friends, and colleagues. I guess, I forget to appreciate how wonderful everyone is because you're always there. And I know that my friends here didn't have to go out of their way to be kind and inclusive - that's just who they are. I really don't know how to say goodbye, but tomorrow morning at our farewell breakfast, that's exactly what I'll begin to do. I'll fill you in on how that goes tomorrow.
Yesterday, with 10 days to go, I celebrated my birthday. Now this is generally a pretty quiet event for me because I don't care for all the fuss and bother. My children are wonderful about sending birthday greetings, even when I'm out of the country for my birthday and that was the case this year as well. Ken always remembers my birthday and we do something special, like dinner out and a present. But for the most part, I don't like a big fuss and simply enjoy knowing I made through one more year.
Well, here birthdays are apparently a big deal. At the monthly department meetings, there is a place on the agenda where birthdays are announced. Then, there's the email that goes out at the beginning of each month to remind people of the upcoming birthdays and a request to submit money to the birthday fund. Then, on your special day, people come up to wish you a happy birthday, give you a hug, send you sms's (text messages) with birthday wishes, and your closest friends give you presents, take you out for lunch and supper, and generally amaze you with lots of attention. Who knew?
So yesterday, Simla, one of our secretaries saw me coming in early to get some work started. She immediately came over to say, "Happy birthday. I hope you have a wonderful day. Why are you here so early?" and offered a big hug. When I entered the office and got the computer going, there were messages from family and friends to greet me, even though the time difference is significant, and there was a knock on the door. Marie, the friend who took me to the Drakensburg Mountains for a holiday with her husband as our driver, came in with a bag of presents: a hand painted place mat, Ndebele beaded bookmark, and Christmas ornaments made here in South Africa. We are working on 2 teacher identity projects and putting together a new research study with one of her colleagues from the UK and she wanted wish me well and thank me for our friendship. I couldn't believe that with all she had given me, that she was thanking me when clearly it should be the other way around! We exchanged hugs and Marie left.
A few minutes later there was another knock on the door and I thought that Marie must have forgotten something. But no, it was Annalie, the fairy friend. Annalie has hand-drawn most of the maps I use to get from Point A to Point B. When I get lost, it's her husband who tries to figure out where I'm calling from and provides directions, calling every 5 minutes to make sure that I'm going "straight, straight" along the path rather than making a wrong turn along the way. We have been in the midst of revising all the ethical clearance (IRB) paperwork for the different projects we're working on so I figured she had more stuff for me to do. But no, it was birthday hug time, pink fairy wings, and apologies for leaving my present at home. Then we discussed the evening plans she had made with her family: Dinner at Menlyn Mall and then 10-pin bowling. She left to get back to our paperwork and I started getting ready for an interview for the study that I am doing with Miemsie.
Knock on the door (again!) - and you must understand that no one comes up to my office, but instead, calls or sms's with what they want. It was Miemsie in person with a hug and a gift, a beautiful necklace and earrings from a local specialty shop in silver, black, pink, and orange, because those are the colors I've worn frequently (my wardrobe selection is NOT extensive). I immediately added my jewelry since those were the very colors I was wearing and we headed off for that interview with Mariejie. (Miemsie, you should note, has served me frothy coffee with my 7 a.m. wake up call when I stayed with her at the cape for our study leave to write an article and then she offered her place to Rebecca and me when we came down for a long weekend. We're currently working on our third paper in the series that will not end!)
With the interview complete, Mariejie and I headed back upstairs to our offices that just happen to be across from each other. She pulled out her remote control for the heater/ac unit and turned on the heat in my office. I haven't had a remote and never really thought about too much about it, but we've had a miserable cold spell lately. This has been THE BEST gift! It's so warm in here that my cold-natured friends don't enjoy it too much but it makes all the difference when you're working late in the day.
With emails and ethical clearance revisions flying back and forth, it was time for lunch with Miemsie at the loveliest little restaurant, Isabella's. Everything is homemade and the buffet was incredible! There was a layered potato/cheese casserole, roasted vegetables, beets in chocolate sauce (something too wonderful for words), pasta with pesto, and the list just goes on. Of course after filling our plates full, devouring every single morsel, with lots of conversation going back and forth, Miemsie decided we each needed our own nougat for dessert and who was I to object?!
Back to the office with an VERY full stomach, it was time to face the frenzy of revisions to consent letters and ethical clearance issues until I was completely lost. At one point I ran into Ina who apologized for not bringing my gift and for being tied up with class all day so we settled for a hug (and 2 beautiful candles handmade in Swaziland were in my box today). Later in the afternoon, Nkidi gave me a birthday hug; she had been working all day in her office with projects. These two dear friends look out for me and keep me busy with research as well. I'm reviewing Ina's new book on children's perceptions of citizenship for a South African journal and we're doing an Art Around the World project together. Nkidi is involving me in her grant proposal for African Languages in the Foundation Phase in the hopes that there will be money for me to return as an external reviewer. She's convinced that she's going to make me into an early childhood languages and literacy person before we're finished.
By 5:00 I was exhausted from multitasking on ethical clearances, reviewing Ina's book, looking for accredited journals where we can submit our work and being well cared for. I stopped by Annalie's office to let her know that I was heading home. By 6:15 (about 30 minutes after arriving home) she called me to let me know that I needed to meet her outside my gate so that we could head to the mall for supper. We talked about our fairy book and the work that we need to do in the next week, met up with Nico, her husband, and ordered a bottle of Pinotage while we waited for their son Onic and his girlfriend Vanessa to join us. Before the wine made it to our table, we were moved to a larger booth and began a laughter-filled evening of storytelling (consistent with the article Annalie and I are finishing up now for publication) that led to an intensely humorous bowling tournament in which I did participate and managed to come in 4th place. I made it home about 11 p.m. to skype with Abbey and then crash into bed.
As you can see, the people with whom I live and work are pretty remarkable. They have looked after me personally and professionally for the past 6 months with invitations to join them in all kinds of events. Much of what I've experienced with them is the very same love and care that I get at home from family, friends, and colleagues. I guess, I forget to appreciate how wonderful everyone is because you're always there. And I know that my friends here didn't have to go out of their way to be kind and inclusive - that's just who they are. I really don't know how to say goodbye, but tomorrow morning at our farewell breakfast, that's exactly what I'll begin to do. I'll fill you in on how that goes tomorrow.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Becky and I go to the Cape
From history lessons and shopping and soccer games, we traveled to the Eastern Cape to a lovely little town of Danabay near George. My friend Miemsie was already there on leave with her children and we accepted her gracious hospitality to join them. Here we awoke to the sun coming up over the ocean and went to sleep to the sound of the waves on the beach. Becky made new friends her own age, going out to watch a soccer match with the group, walking through yet another market (this time in Sedgefield), and generally hanging out while Miemsie and I worked on our second article and outlined the next 2 in our series.
We finally made time to see African animals as well. On one day, we took a game drive in an open vehicle where we got to see white rhino, kudu, wildebeestes, water buffalo, giraffes, lions, different kinds of deer, and some ostrich. The ranger knew so many interesting things about each animal and made the entire drive entertaining and educational. We took advantage of an opportunity to Cango to see animals up close and personal and learn about issues related to endangerment. Here we were most excited about our time to pet the 9-week-old cheetahs, the older cheetahs, and the tigers. Then we went to a series of conservation sites where we took a hand-in-trunk walk with the elephants; saw lemurs, cappuchin monkeys, and a number of other primates; then had a wild cat experience to see cheetah, leopard, and several of the "lesser cats" as we learned about the challenges of preserving these animals in the wild.Our last evening at the cape was celebrated with Miemsie, her son and his friends, and our colleague Hanlie at a great seafood restaurant where the special for the evening was the sushi bar! We had a lively evening talking and laughing and yet another research project emerged for the 3 UP folks who couldn't help but talk shop. With goodbyes said before we went to bed and one more set of hugs with Miemsie on Tuesday morning, Becky and I were off the airport for a quick flight back to J'burg and our final round of packing her up before we returned to the airport for her final send off. She managed to have her first pizza since leaving the states as her "last lunch" in South Africa and over chicken wraps as our supper, we talked about her solo flight home, changing flights in Atlanta, and then arriving in Washington to meet her dad.
While reading through the blog, it's pretty clear where the time went, but actually writing the words, thinking about her impending landing, and looking at all the brochures from our trip and the dirty laundry in the closet and the empty refrigerator, I can't believe her visit is over. We
had our occasional moments of tension. After all, how many times can you really get lost?! What happens when you are tired, or having a bumpy day because you forgot your camera, or you aren't sure what's going to happen next and who you'll be doing it with? But compared to all of the rest of the time - snuggling under our world cup blanket at home as we tried to stay warm while we watched soccer on tv, or trying to figure out what's going on with the characters of Isidingo (Becky's favorite soap) and Generations (my favorite soap), or deciding what to order when we went out to eat or when we stayed home for supper, or just hanging out along the way to somewhere - we had a pretty wonderful time together. The part of my heart that's labeled Rebecca expanded a little more to take in the precious young woman she's becoming and I look at her with such amazement and wonder for the person she is and for the gift of her time with me.
A visit with Rebecca
After returning to South Africa from 2 weeks of graduations with Suzy and Abbey and a quick visit with Rachel before her trip to The Netherlands, I settled back into my routine of the single scholar. There's nothing like a long list of projects that are incredibly different to keep me on my toes! The list of papers to write and articles to read seems unending but it's the kind of challenge I enjoy. And, of course, I work with some amazing people who make all of the time in front of a computer worthwhile. But one of the best parts of this experience has been able to share my South African friends and family and country with my children. Not only do they get to experience why I love to be here (even when it's really cold!), but I get to enjoy the one-on-one time I rarely have at home. So it was Becky's turn to visit me after her two weeks in Zambia with Caroline, and I was thrilled to have her good company for a while.Rebecca is a soccer player and has developed her skills and love for the game from the time she was about 7, playing in rec leagues, for travel teams, through high school and adult leagues. After coaching a girls school team in Zambia, she came to South Africa to enjoy the World Cup, affectionately known here in South Africa as "2010". We had tickets to Netherlands v. Denmark and matching orange shirts to support the Netherlands. After all, Rachel was visiting there !
Then there was Argentina v. Korea Republic. Rebecca had her jersey
and a warm hat to show her support while I maintained my ability to avoid asking the Korean fans sitting nearby if they knew my friends JD and Shin Ji. Then there was the Brazil v. Cote d'Ivoire game where Brazil was clearly the favorite to win but we couldn't help but cheer on the African team. Armed with scarves supporting Brazil and an Ivory Coast shirt, Rebecca and I cheered with everyone through that game. The Ghana v. Germany game put us close to the field and all the excitement on the field and a fight that broke out in the section next to us. Beach balls came and went throughout the game, providing a much different experience than any we had had from our perch near the top of Soccer City. Rebecca was responsible for capturing our experiences at the games with her camera while I was responsible for securing the game-wear, hot dogs, chips, chocolate bars, and drinks.In addition to the World Cup games at Soccer City, we also watched some games at our local Hatfield fan park. Here, an entertainment area during the year for UP students, had been enhanced with a huge screen tv and local, live entertainment. We had a good time watching the crowd and the games, especially given the international nature of the viewers who came out to enjoy the afternoon or evening. This is one place I may visit again as the games move to their conclusions!
Besides all the time we spent watching soccer, we found time to fit in some shopping. Living in the small town of Harrisonburg, we dream of major malls and places to find things out of the ordinary. I had been to several of the malls in Pretoria and Johannesburg thanks to prior visits with groups of students and through my adventures with fairies who magically appear on Saturdays in Pretoria malls. So Becky and I made multiple visits to Atterbury Shopping Center where she made her final purchase, a black jacket that she had been considering for quite a while; Menlyn Mall where vuvuzelas heralded the start of the World Cup games and supported Bafana Bafana on their game days. On our last visit to Menlyn, we were not disappointed to see a sign prohibiting the blowing of vuvuzelas throughout the mall! Then there was Brooklyn Mall, the one I pass every day on my way to work. I feel confident that I have done my part to support South Africa's economy during the last several weeks.
But shopping for us was not limited to the big shops. We frequented the smaller markets like the one hosted each Sunday at Hatfield Shopping Center, just a few blocks from my flat. Each Sunday craftsmen bring their work and other folks bring African artifacts to sell to the public. The parking lot is closed off and I enjoy picking up somosas (pronounced "sa-moo-sas") to nibble on with my extra large cappachino from Wimpy's. There are a couple of craftsmen from whom I regularly buy my souvenirs and I look forward to seeing what new things they'll have each week. It's really their fault that I have so much stuff that needs to be shipped back to the states, but they are laughing all the way to the bank, while I've still got to figure out how to pack their stuff up! Another market held bi-monthly is the Irene market. This one is much larger and the offerings are more diverse. On my first trip there, I found several things and spent way too much money. With Becky along, I spent less money than she did, but it was fun to walk through and watch the people as well as the things that were for sale.
Another reason I wanted Becky to come along was to share some of the history of this ancient continent. Of course, there was a little sugar to coat the scholarly stuff as well. For example, we visited Maropeng's Cradle of Humankind. This interactive museum allows visitors to learn
about the beginnings of time through the modern day with a focus on our responsibility as humans to care for one another and our world. She really enjoyed the museum enough to keep us both sane as we managed to get lost coming home that evening. At that point, she began to understand how precious Annalie and Nico are as they try to figure out exactly where I am and how to get me back home again. Then there was the Lesedi Cultural Museum where we visited recreated homesteads or bomas for 5 different cultural groups, watched the singing and dancing, and then ate a feast of traditional foods. During the break between the tour and the dancing, we were invited to refresh ourselves at the bar, but like most of the people who were there, we were glued to the big screen tv to watch the soccer match that was going on. On yet another day, prior to our visit to the Gold Reef Theme Park for an afternoon of rides and junk food, Becky and our friends Nick and Andiswa and Andiswa's niece toured the Apartheid Museum to gain insight into how an area so rich in culture, language, and natural resources could change into a place of priviledge for a few and powerlessness for many. The horrors of the apartheid era have been replaced with the promise of a rainbow nation where "Never, never and never again shall it be that this beautiful land will again experience the oppression of one by another."The visit continues...
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Lessons from the Side of the Road
I've been really busy since my last post and hope to correct that soon to fill you in on the wonderful travels that I've had with friends in the Drakensburg Mountains and at the Cape in a lovely place near George. But those stories involve posting photos that let you see the wonderful people and the beautiful country. Then there's the World Cup excitement to share and we're at the half-way point in our attendance with the Denmark and Argentina games completed and Brazil and Ghana for next week. Becky has taken incredible pictures and I get to share some of them here, but again, all that takes time and we're so busy living it up here in South Africa and trying to fit in my work that it's hard to find time to breathe.
But this morning, over a cup of hot, foamy coffee (a recipe to which I've become addicted and will be happy to share), I did take some time to reflect on a few interesting encounters I've had with people I met along the side of the road.
Lesson 1: Live generously.
I'm still smarting over this one and I think the lessons we may learn the most from are the times we were not at our best. Walking home from the neighborhood fan park one evening, Becky and I were approached by a grandmother and her little granddaughter. They didn't have enough money for the bus to get home. I gave her all the change I had, but it still wasn't enough, so I suggested that she head in the direction of the fan park telling her, "There are lots of people there who can also help." I held on to the 100 rand note that I had, even though it's really less that $10 and it would have gone a long way to help her out. I still don't know why I seemed to think it was so important for me to keep that money, especially in light of how much I've spent at markets and at the games. Even though I feel the pinch of credit card debt, my small gift to this woman would have made the evening so much warmer for her. I'm keeping my eyes open wider and trying to listen more carefully to others as I remember the generosity I've experienced from others while I have been here.
Lesson 2: See the person with whom you are speaking first.
Driving to new places in foreign lands can be a daunting experience. But when you are trying to maintain American time in Africa, find a parking place without a parking pass because you didn't realize you had to have one, and then fearful of getting lost, sometimes you think only of solving your problem. Becky and I had been redirected through the traffic circle near our final destination to go to another lot to park for our first soccer match. Of course, finding signs that clearly pointed to where to go seemed impossible so at the first intersection I pulled over beside several police officers, Becky rolled down her window, and I anxiously asked, "Where do we go to find parking for the game?" The officer looked at me and replied, "Dumela M'am. How are you?" I responded, "Fine thank you. And you?" Then he said, "That's how we do it here. Now, go straight, straight, and you will come to the parking." Of course, he was right. Look at the person to whom you are speaking and greet them. It only takes a moment to be gracious. And in the offering of recognition and respect, you may be able to find your way in a strange (or familiar) place.
Lesson 3: A kind word lightens the way.
This time we actually knew how to get home from our day of shopping in markets. Becky and I had purchased lots of gifts for friends and family, had a lovely lunch with leftovers for supper, and generally enjoyed ourselves. On the way home, we had to stop at toll booths to pay for the opportunity to drive on the superhighway that led us back to Pretoria. At our last tollbooth, we had our money ready, greeted the toll booth operator, a gentleman about my age, with the standard "Hello, how are you" exchange and when he replied, "I'm too young to complain!" we both smiled back, thanked him for our change, and rode away laughing. What a perfect ending to a lovely day. His kind smile and joy continued to stay with us on the way home.
To really see the people with whom we live; to listen to what another person says and doesn't say; to be present in the moment with someone else - all of that makes the busy-ness slip back where it belongs, into a place that's second to the relationships and people-times that stay with us longer than the multiple tasks we try to manage.
And now, for that recipe. One of the reasons I'm sure it tastes so good is because I first had this while staying with my friend Miemsie at her beautiful place a Danabae near George. Each morning she got up early to mark papers while I slept in. Since we were there to work on an article, she came in to wake me at 7 with a cup of this coffee so I could start my day ready to work. Every time I drink this, I think of that lovely gesture! Here's my love for my friend and for you. I hope you'll come to visit and let me make this for you just like Miemsie did for me (but it's fine if you come later than 7 a.m.!).
1. Fill your mug up about 1/3 of the way with full fat vanilla flavored milk.
2. Heat in the microwave for about 1 minute on high.
3. Remove from microwave and beat with frother for about 30-60 seconds.
4. Add sugar.
(I use 2 tsp. sugar; Miemsie drinks hers with 1 sweetener and 1 tsp. sugar).
5. In SA we use 1 tsp instant coffee and fill the cup with hot water. In America you can just add hot coffee.
6. Use the frother again to mix it up well and enjoy!
But this morning, over a cup of hot, foamy coffee (a recipe to which I've become addicted and will be happy to share), I did take some time to reflect on a few interesting encounters I've had with people I met along the side of the road.
Lesson 1: Live generously.
I'm still smarting over this one and I think the lessons we may learn the most from are the times we were not at our best. Walking home from the neighborhood fan park one evening, Becky and I were approached by a grandmother and her little granddaughter. They didn't have enough money for the bus to get home. I gave her all the change I had, but it still wasn't enough, so I suggested that she head in the direction of the fan park telling her, "There are lots of people there who can also help." I held on to the 100 rand note that I had, even though it's really less that $10 and it would have gone a long way to help her out. I still don't know why I seemed to think it was so important for me to keep that money, especially in light of how much I've spent at markets and at the games. Even though I feel the pinch of credit card debt, my small gift to this woman would have made the evening so much warmer for her. I'm keeping my eyes open wider and trying to listen more carefully to others as I remember the generosity I've experienced from others while I have been here.
Lesson 2: See the person with whom you are speaking first.
Driving to new places in foreign lands can be a daunting experience. But when you are trying to maintain American time in Africa, find a parking place without a parking pass because you didn't realize you had to have one, and then fearful of getting lost, sometimes you think only of solving your problem. Becky and I had been redirected through the traffic circle near our final destination to go to another lot to park for our first soccer match. Of course, finding signs that clearly pointed to where to go seemed impossible so at the first intersection I pulled over beside several police officers, Becky rolled down her window, and I anxiously asked, "Where do we go to find parking for the game?" The officer looked at me and replied, "Dumela M'am. How are you?" I responded, "Fine thank you. And you?" Then he said, "That's how we do it here. Now, go straight, straight, and you will come to the parking." Of course, he was right. Look at the person to whom you are speaking and greet them. It only takes a moment to be gracious. And in the offering of recognition and respect, you may be able to find your way in a strange (or familiar) place.
Lesson 3: A kind word lightens the way.
This time we actually knew how to get home from our day of shopping in markets. Becky and I had purchased lots of gifts for friends and family, had a lovely lunch with leftovers for supper, and generally enjoyed ourselves. On the way home, we had to stop at toll booths to pay for the opportunity to drive on the superhighway that led us back to Pretoria. At our last tollbooth, we had our money ready, greeted the toll booth operator, a gentleman about my age, with the standard "Hello, how are you" exchange and when he replied, "I'm too young to complain!" we both smiled back, thanked him for our change, and rode away laughing. What a perfect ending to a lovely day. His kind smile and joy continued to stay with us on the way home.
To really see the people with whom we live; to listen to what another person says and doesn't say; to be present in the moment with someone else - all of that makes the busy-ness slip back where it belongs, into a place that's second to the relationships and people-times that stay with us longer than the multiple tasks we try to manage.
And now, for that recipe. One of the reasons I'm sure it tastes so good is because I first had this while staying with my friend Miemsie at her beautiful place a Danabae near George. Each morning she got up early to mark papers while I slept in. Since we were there to work on an article, she came in to wake me at 7 with a cup of this coffee so I could start my day ready to work. Every time I drink this, I think of that lovely gesture! Here's my love for my friend and for you. I hope you'll come to visit and let me make this for you just like Miemsie did for me (but it's fine if you come later than 7 a.m.!).
1. Fill your mug up about 1/3 of the way with full fat vanilla flavored milk.
2. Heat in the microwave for about 1 minute on high.
3. Remove from microwave and beat with frother for about 30-60 seconds.
4. Add sugar.
(I use 2 tsp. sugar; Miemsie drinks hers with 1 sweetener and 1 tsp. sugar).
5. In SA we use 1 tsp instant coffee and fill the cup with hot water. In America you can just add hot coffee.
6. Use the frother again to mix it up well and enjoy!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Home Sweet Home
After having been away for 4 months – my longest absence ever – I returned home from South Africa to visit my family. Traveling with Caroline was also a first for me because I have always traveled alone when going to and from Africa. What a treat to have my eldest daughter all to myself for the long trip home!
We landed at Reagan National Airport in Washington, DC and were greeted by Abbey, the graduating senior from George Mason University. GMU holds graduation ceremonies over 3 days and we were arriving on day 2 so that we could attend the university-wide ceremony on Saturday. With hugs all around, we headed out of the airport, chatting and laughing all the way to her apartment to drop off luggage before having lunch and searching for her new bed. We made it to the GMU apartment, opened the door, and out popped Rebecca to surprise us! We were shocked, since we didn’t expect to see her much during our visit because of her work schedule. The rest of the day went as planned with lots of silly giggles, “speak-a-phone” jokes, and catching up with each other.
The search for “the bed”, Abbey’s graduation present as she moved into her first townhouse with roommates, was a bit of an adventure. The salesman was quite the charmer who ended up sending Caroline and Becky out to get him food from MacDonalds since he gave us such a good deal on the bed. We all felt manipulated by the situation, but I wasn’t going to rock the boat – my default mode when facing a potential unpleasant moment.
The rest of the weekend went well. We loaded up Abbey’s car with stuff from her dorm so that she and I could make a delivery to her townhouse. What a cute place! Doesn’t life come full circle when you share in the excitement of your child’s first “grown-up” place and you’re wondering if you couldn’t have a smaller version of home yourself? We returned to GMU so Caroline and I could get to bed early and then celebrate Saturday as Abbey marched in to Pomp and Circumstance for the awarding of her degree. Caroline and Saul headed home ahead of us so Abbey and I could finish the packing, move the last of her things to the townhouse, and hit the road for home.
Home, Sweet Home. There’s nothing that quite captures the wonder of hugs and kisses from those you love. Dogs jumping up and down and fighting for attention. Seeing clean sheets and towels that were put out to welcome you. Lovely gifts from anniversary and Mother’s Day to remind you that you’re never forgotten – even when you thought you had made other plans for celebrating in absentia. The “command center” where all the mail was sorted and organized, reflecting all the day-to-day minutiae that has to be dealt with by a loving spouse because I left it behind so I could be away. A glass of wine and a stroll around the estate to check on the progress of the garden – a favorite evening routine for Ken, the dogs, and me.
Then the reality of a long absence set in. Rebecca’s stuff from moving out of her dorm room was stacked right inside the door. The boxes of books that I couldn’t take in January were still waiting. The laundry table was full of clothes waiting to be folded and the washer and dryer were filled, waiting for the attention of a child who had filled them and at least made some progress towards getting clothes clean. The upstairs floors were filled with suitcases, dirty clothes, and wet towels. And the walk into that bathroom was a mistake I should have expected. Needless to say, I raced back downstairs for more wine.
But after a few days of visits with friends over lunch and some serious office time to get some work done, it was time to fly out to Boston to be greeted by Suzy and her partner/boy friend, Jon. The city is certainly a wonderful place and I could see why Suzy loves living here. Of course, having met such a special man didn’t hurt either, but I think that just added a new sense of excitement and joy to her new life as a graduate student. Friday was our day to get connected and reconnected. We walked and talked, had a great lunch, saw Babies, and then headed to Suzy’s apartment for supper to cook up some “stuff” she had into a feast.
Saturday was Rachel day and the two of us ate at the Cheesecake Factory, did lots of shopping, and then headed to Suzy’s for girls’ night out. Rachel finished up 2 of her certification courses with flying colors and was being considered for a teaching position with 3-4 year-olds thanks to her incredible skill in caring for one of the children at the center as part of her nanny job. (She did get the job!) It was just like old times to relax over good food at a local diner, a chick flick, and a slumber party. By Sunday, we were all back together with Caroline joining us late in the afternoon from her visit to see Trevor in New Jersey, and then Jon joining us for an evening out. Monday was graduation day for Suzy and once again, we watched her march in with her class of 2010 Graduate School of Social Work to receive all the rights and privileges of the academy. By the afternoon, Caroline headed back to New Jersey to see Trevor again and I headed back home to see my Virginia family for one more day.
What can I say about such a short, hectic visit? Will and Steph bought a new car and both look good. It’s hard to believe that Will is already 30 and such a good husband and father. Stephanie is expecting our second grandchild and she just glows (or is that my excitement about a new baby reflecting onto her?). Ashlynn continues to shoot up tall and lean, wrapping everyone in the family around her little finger and delighting us with her imagination. Ben gets taller, stronger, and deeper-voiced every time I see him. He’s moving up in the world, successfully making it through 3 interviews to earn a new job at the soon-to-open Best Buy. All the girls in between the guys continue to dazzle me with their beauty and brilliance. Suzy is heading to NJ with Jon before the two of them fly to Nicaragua for an “I Believe” event. Rachel has landed in The Netherlands to meet her boyfriend and his family. Caroline and Rebecca are now in Zambia. And Abbey is in graduate school and taking care of a beautiful, 9-month-old. Ken continues to hold down the fort for all of us so that we can be off having adventures. His job is definitely the most challenging because all of us are calling him at command central to help us get out of some problem or keep us from getting into trouble.
In the few days at home, I managed to get through mail, laundry, and some work at the office. I got to see dear friends to catch up on life and eat lunch out. I saw all my children and my granddaughter. It was a clear reminder that home is a very sweet place to be. It’s the place in the heart where roots grow deep and keep you connected to what’s real and important. The deeper the roots, the taller and wider you can reach. For me, the image is a huge tree, a very old tree, that’s strong enough to weather life and death of those you love, the storms of broken relationships, and the joys of reconciliation, health, and new life. It’s an image of reaching out to new places and people and bringing it all together to share again.
Now, I’m back in South Africa. I’ve been greeted by my younger brother Themba, welcomed into his home by his family and fed a BIG supper by my younger sister Thembela. At work on Friday my colleagues showered me with sms’s (text messages) and hugs (from Ina and my HOD!). My apartment was clean and quiet. And my soapies were waiting for me. A very different home, but a home sweet home for another 2 months.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Caroline on My Mind
Even though there are glitches with skype, it has been a life-saver for me because it affords the opportunity to see the people I’m talking with. I’ve had long visits with Ken while we catch up on what’s going on at JMU, at home, and here in Pretoria. I get to have almost weekly visits with Suzy, Abbey, and Rebecca. I’ve even had a short conversation with Ashlynn, who wasn’t too interested in sitting in front of the computer screen with me but sits there for ages with computer games! As for Will and Stephanie, we have to keep up through Facebook. Ben sends his occasional email and Rachel’s messages are even more infrequent. With Caroline, we use skype as a way to talk, but she doesn’t have a computer camera so it’s voice only with her. And while I love my life in South Africa, I do miss my family and having time to talk with them face to face.
So for weeks, all my colleagues heard from me was that Caroline was coming in for a visit. I told everyone that I had to leave work early on Friday to beat the weekend traffic out of Pretoria so I could be sure to get to the airport in J’burg on time. I also let them know that I was not going to be around on Monday and Tuesday because Caroline and I had lots of plans. People asked about what we were going to do and offered suggestions on ways to spend the weekend. I left the office early enough to miss most of the traffic, although with all the road projects underway for the World Cup, there are always delays here and there along the way. I did manage to get to the airport almost 2 hours early! Of course, I had work with me and just sat at a coffee shop with my large cappuchino until it was time for her flight to arrive.
Waiting for the plane to land, then for her to get through customs seemed to take forever, but she finally emerged and I got my big Caroline hug! Don’t you just love watching reunions at the airport? I whisked her away to the car (after having made copious notes so that I could actually find my way back to the parking garage and car when I left the arrivals area), and we headed out to Themba and Thembela’s house for the evening. My dear friends hosted Caroline the last time she had been in town for the MCATs and they were most gracious to host both of us again. Supper was cooking and they remembered that Caroline can’t have gluten so we enjoyed our home-cooked meal, complete with pap (my favorite). We talked and talked and then watched Generations before making our plans for leaving VERY early in the morning to be sure we got to the test center in downtown J’burg in plenty of time. While our getting up early wasn’t such a big deal for us, it did require that Themba, who had worked until the wee hours of the morning, had to get up to let us out of the gate.
We made it to the test center using our directions with no trouble at all. Even better, Caroline finished almost 2 hours earlier than she had expected so we knew that our weekend was off to a good start. Our optimism was short-lived, however, when we couldn’t quite re-trace our route to get home. After about an hour of driving around parts of J’burg few 2010 visitors will get to see and making 2 stops for directions, we managed to get onto the right road and head home in the weekend traffic. The road home seemed unusually long, but we managed to get back to Pretoria, talking the whole way. After a quick shower, we walked to the Ocean Basket restaurant for supper and then back home again to talk even more, watch a little tv, and turn in early.
By Sunday, the weekend was officially ours and Caroline was able to relax a little more from all the weeks of studying. We walked to the little market that is held every Sunday at the shopping center, took a long walk through the university’s sports fields, and then back to the shopping center to pick up one of Caroline’s friends from Zambia who was in town for a special seminar at UP. We went to the local mall for lunch and then caught a movie, The Last Train Station, (or something like that).
Once we finished up at the library, however, we went straight to the mall for some shopping. Clothing in Lusaka is incredibly expensive so we were looking for some bargains here in South Africa and found a few things that Caroline had been hoping to get. Although Caroline’s tolerance for shopping is limited compared to her sisters, she was definitely up for going out for lunch so we tried out a place that had been recommended to me – Huckleberry’s. Our lunch was fantastic and really hit the spot. It was a fish with pumpkin and greens over rice in a curry sauce and we both cleaned our plates. Caroline needed a nap after all that, and I did a little work. We had to walk to the store to pick up some groceries and had a quiet evening at home. Thanks to Caroline the chef, we had a crustless quiche that became my supper for several more evenings.
This week has turned out to be quite pleasant and I certainly have some lovely memories of the weekend. Nkidi has booked tickets for us to have a girls night out at the musical performance of Africa Umoja for Saturday and Annalie and I have talked about a night out over the weekend. I’ve got Skype on and am waiting to see who comes on line before I turn off the computer because of the current storm. I hope you have a good weekend as well.
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